where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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