dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
