It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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