i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
