I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
