i think i have two assholes
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
