I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
