dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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