She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
