So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
