Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
