i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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