The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
