Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
