Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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