how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
