they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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