But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
