I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
