Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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