Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
