i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
