there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
