I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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