I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
