i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
