I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
