Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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