Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I think I sprained my soul last night
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
