I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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