How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
