I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
