I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
But theres a keg here and me gusta
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
