i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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