Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
