my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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