dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
