I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
