Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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