we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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