i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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