is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
