Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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