Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
A+ Viking dick
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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