Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
and she was petting her beer can
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
