So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
