awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Barsexuality is the new black.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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