Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
