The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
