So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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