If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
