He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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