My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
The Olympian is in my bed
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
