plz talk dirty to me
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
