I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
