My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
